The Pot Calling the Kettle Boiling

I sit here tonight in front of my computer trying to remain calm. Yes, placidity is one of the hallmarks of lucidity, and this is the mantra I have been quietly repeating to myself for the past few hours or so. Although I enacted a self-imposed moratorium on updating my web log regarding anything work-related, it wasn’t for the lack of compelling material. I normally look to this web log as an outlet, an extension of who I am outside of work, as a near brush with an unhappy superior caused me to reevaluate  the very reason why I update this web log in the first place. But tonight is the first time in recent memory that I have failed to leave “work” at work.

Without getting into specifics, today was the kind of day where everything seemed impossible. And, to be somewhat specific while still honoring the previous sentence, it wasn’t because I felt my performance was subpar. No, I was giving it all I had, no question. Rather, it was (and I’m sure all of us have experienced this feeling at one time or another) the moment where it all feels for naught. That, as we travel along our path, the path narrows to the point where it disappears into the foliage – the flora simply gobbles up the light, and we are left surrounded by unchecked growth, and not the kind of growth celebrated by a bull market. This is how today felt, and although feeling is one-hundred percent subjective, the feeling pervaded every course of action undertaken.

It has been said that writing is a form of catharsis, and that one of the soundest ways in dealing with problems, issues and the like is to sit down and give voice to one’s inner consciousness. While some drown their situations in drink, or confide in close friends and family, I have found that just by writing these last few hundred words has brought a small amount of solace to my otherwise dismal night. I would imagine a sound night’s sleep followed by a sixty-minute exercise routine in the morning will bring comfort and closure, but as of right now, I don’t see that as a possibility. I see only darkness, and it’s not because I have been listening to The Cure and The Smiths.

It’s because I don’t see how I will be anything more than I already am.

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