Right Down the Middle

These last few weeks have been nothing short of crushing, as my job has required virtually all of my time and attention. The high level of concentration needed to perform compounded by long hours with little sleep has placed my personal endeavors into the proverbial “back seat.” Please understand I am not complaining; it’s just that at times like these, I recognize my mortality.  Every day that I walk this Earth is another day closer to when I won’t. And, even though I spoke recently of my horizons, when I look out on to the horizon of my future, it seems like I’ll never get there. The irony is, however, that this distance will always remain at a fixed point.

Wherever it is that I finally wind up (and down), my own sanity requires that I have goals that have nothing to do with financial concerns, vanity, or the need to impose my will on to others. As much as it pains me to say, I have made concessions that, although have not harmed me, have not done anything to help me either.

It has been said that knowing what not to do is almost as important as knowing what to do, and I’m at the point in my life where I now could simply toe the line and survive. But, as I look back over the past year and read my life as I have chronicled it, I know I have a greater need to explore my own abilities. I need to push myself in ways I have dreamt but never done, and attempt to become what I think I’m capable of becoming. The frustration I feel when looking at other people on paths cleared by their own hands need not be viewed scornfully. Rather, I need to see it as a distinct possibility.

Here’s to truly giving it all that I have, for the one (and only) person that cares enough to keep tabs on whether or not I really am.

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